When I first started wearing makeup in high school, I was a complete novice and, like most young girls, put on way too much. The difference between me and most young girls was that my mother thought it was hilarious that I left the house looking like a drag queen, and didn't make me take it off like my friends' mothers did. In fact, she still has a photo of me at age fourteen, looking like a hooker from the neck up, that she loves to bust out and show to everyone at family gatherings.

When I hit college, during the grunge years, I spent most of my time with a bare face. At most, I'd wear some grubby black eyeliner, mascara and brown lipstick.

After college, I started trying makeup for real. I fairly quickly mastered the basics - foundation, concealer, blush, lip gloss, mascara, eyeliner, shadow - and was even able to jazz up my eyes at nighttime. But there are still a few beauty products that scare the shizz out of me. And I need to conquer my fear!

1. Bronzer1. Bronzer
Seriously, I've never been able to put this stuff on without looking ridonkulous - streaky and orange. I can't even put on the Bare Escentuals Warmth without looking like an Oompa Loompa, even though the chick at Sephora made me look fabulous. Hopefully my Benefit 10 (which, according to UPS.com, will be arriving today Woohoo ) will be a subtle way to start.

2. Perfume2. Perfume
I've mentioned before that I worked in a perfume store during high school. I think that's why I've been so opposed to it ever since. I would love to find my own "signature scent" but every time I try a perfume, it just smells so perfumey and I can't get used to it.

3. Liquid Eyeliner3. Liquid Eyeliner
I wish I knew how to put this stuff on. I am such a spazz that I gave up on trying precision eyeliner long ago. Now I either use a wet brush in my shadow to line my eyes, or some kind of chubby, shimmery crayon which doesn't require as much precision. But every time I see someone wearing really sharp liquid eyeliner, I turn green with envy.

4. Nail Polish4. Nail Polish
See above re: spaz. I can't put this stuff on to save my life. My left hand comes out looking like a blind person painted it, and my right hand comes out looking like a blind person with tremors painted it. *le sigh* I can't even paint my toes without them getting all messed up!

5. Red Lipstick5. Red Lipstick
Everyone tells me I have the coloring to pull this off. And I look good when I wear red clothing. So why can't I wear red lipstick without looking like a clown, or like a little girl who got into her mother's makeup? I've tried all different shades and I just can't get it right.

That's it, I suppose. Does anyone else have any cosmetic fears, or am I the only freakazoid here?